A New You in the New Year… January 3, 2010
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I find myself reflecting on the New Year with a certain… Apprehension. It has been a big year for us. Kevin got a job, we moved half way across the country, and we had a baby all in one year. Add to that the fact that I am naturally at a low point due to the winter being on us – it is not the time for me to reflect.
With all the reflection talk and the natural reflection that happens when you are in a period of adjustment it is hard to get away from it. This time it was okay – I have had a bit of an epiphany. We tend to approach the New Year like it is a chance to have a ‘do over’, or a mulligan (kids are playing Wii Golf in the background 
) We focus on all the things that we want to change, and the ways that we were unhappy – you know – I want to lose weight, have a tidier house, do x better than last year, or in the case of my sister who is already a crazy cat lady in the making ‘take better care of my cat’…
When did people decide that the New Year was a time to criticize ourselves on our failings, to create an impossible situation for ourselves in terms of living up to our resolutions, or inclinations, thus creating a repeat the following year?
My Mom will sometimes point out when I am at my wits end with my 9 yo, that “he responds really well to positive reinforcement.” Although it can irritate the heck out of me – I know she is gently pointing out “and right now that is not what you are doing.” Well. Guess what. That apple did not fall far from the tree. The reason for that is that the human race comes from that same tree. Have you ever heard that it takes 10 positives to make up for one negative comment? Every New Year, when half the world is battling the winter blues we decide to chastise ourselves for the maybe, woulda, couldas.
This year I am not doing that. Don’t get me wrong. There is TONNES I could, and should change. But here is my New Years list.
This past year I
1. Had an amazing homebirth, and realized that is my ideal birthing situation
2. Started teaching Libby to read, and have seen that YES. I can teach her things, and homeschooling will work if I want it too.
3. I moved my family to a small close knit community where we get to experience more of what our huge country has to offer, and the kids are enjoying it.
4. I have been learning to implement new routines, and recognize when I need to change things up to keep the family functioning.
5. Have made some great friends that I know I will have for a life time.
6. Have finally found a sport (geocaching) that I enjoy, and can’t wait to do more of.
7. Am looking forward to my sister and BIL adopting in the next year.
8. Am enjoying seeing my Mom be the strongest she has been in years.
9. Accepting that sometimes I do need to change things, and when I do that I can do it one thing, one time at a time.
10. I will look for the positives and not look so hard at the negatives, and will enjoy seeing what a little positive reinforcement can do.
Happy New Years! Here is to a great 2010!
Things that make you go “What!?” December 1, 2009
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I took Kyle to a session of Street Dance last night so that he could try it out. Sitting in the Kenmore Theatre in Morden, I was nothing short of shocked to see this
and wondered “What is that doing here?”
Lyle – you know what I am saying, right?
Don’t Get Too Excited… October 4, 2009
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Although I am updating my blog, it isn’t because I actually have something to say. More just trying to update.
My DS as mentioned in my last post has improved some. His appetite is back, and he is sleeping better, although not quite to the level that even he would normally.
My DD has now decided that her bed is not ‘comfy cozy’, and either sleeps in ours, or comes and sleep in ours once we have gone to bed. Add to this the fact that the DS2 is in a similar phase, and I am considering whether a king size bed is really big enough! OY! No one is sleeping through the night, and that isn’t about to change as baby#4’s arrival is pending. Maybe the others will settle down some after the baby is born.
About said baby, I suspect the arrival will be closer than not. I am at the stage where I am done with the pregnancy, and my body is constantly hinting that it could go at any moment… We’ll see. Maybe it will surprise everyone and be late though – stranger things have happened.
I am trying to figure out how to make a trip back to Ontario in the nearer future. Thanksgiving is going to be very different with out family close (as were the birthdays this year), and Christmas seems lonely without the extended family. That being said Kevin will be in Ontario for a couple weeks in January or February, and we figured we would couple it with that, although there is still the issues of winter travel, and cost…
Other than that I have just been knitting away on various projects, and trying to get the house in order for the baby, and the post baby arrival.
That’s it.
What a Week September 26, 2009
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People who know my son will know that he is sensitive, and intuitive. He has always had a slightly different rhythm going on his drum than most everyone else’s. Not crazy different, just different. Definitely more noticeable in some environments than others. This is the source of great discussion as I would love to see him in an environment where those differences are honoured and he is able to use his strengths and weaknesses to do anything he wants. For now this is not the case, and it is always in God’s hands…
This week has been a huge test of me trusting God with him, and his future. For some reason this week he has been broken. Not physically, but his spirit is broken. He is panicked more than he isn’t, and he is barely sleeping (only sleeps with the help of a sedating herbal supplement), and not eating. He does play in spurts, but those are more and more frequently being interrupted by moments of anxiety and panic.
This week has been a busy week calling Dr’s, going to the ER, talking to Community Mental Health, emailing the Paediatrician, talking to the school, and visiting the school. I have managed to get him bumped up the waiting list for a counsellor from 3 months to 2 weeks, confirmed that there is no physical issue, and have been told to alert an array of Dr’s if anything changes, and finally connected with a spectrum of school personnel that have an increasing need to know what is going on as the issue persists. That being said I had a horrendous conversation with the principal where she told me I was nuts and over protective, and outright LIED to me to make me shut up. Suddenly she finds out that CMH thinks this is a serious issue, and she is taking notes. How am I supposed to trust my child to this person who just wants to shrug me off, as if my 9+ years as his parent gives me no insight or experience into his behaviour or health? As if I didn’t want him out of the Public School system before, I REALLY do now. I am told about how he has complained about being sick and wanted to go home, and they were shrugging him off. I am told about how they don’t care if he is eating, and how that has nothing to do with his ability to participate in school or gym effectively or healthily. I am blithely told that if he isn’t getting enough sleep that I can try an earlier bedtime. After all I told them it is clear that they haven’t listened to a word I said, and haven’t listened to him either.
Dealing with anxiety is a fine balance. Pay too much attention and you feed it, not enough – and you feed it. It is a balancing act while blind-folded. You only know where the balance is when you go to far. In an effort to keep that balance I send him to school to keep up a normal routine. In doing so I am sending him into a pit of vipers (students and staff), and in an environment where that balance is not respected. That is a tough place to be. I try to educate them, but they can’t be there all the time. I try to trust them, but they won’t even acknowledge there is a problem. Meanwhile I am watching his spirit disappearing, and an energetic fun loving boy is a quiet, sad, scared panicked child who can’t bring himself to eat or sleep. He picks at food, and will barely put any in his mouth. Without the medication he is waking at least every hour (once he is asleep) weeping and complaining about feeling like he is dying. He is feeling bombarded by the intensity of what he is feeling, and is just wanting EVERYONE he knows to pray for him that this will stop.
I do, will you?
A Resolution September 7, 2009
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Looking around her house she could barely recognize it. What were usually familiar and comfortable surroundings, now seemed cold and foreign. The routines and habits that, although not perfect, always seemed to work to best were interrupted, and new paths to finding balance were proving impossible.
It isn’t like she wasn’t used to criticism. Besides the fact that most in her position were very used to it – the voice that usually was the most critical was usually her own. For some reason hearing the tone from others cut deeper, and hurt more. She would like to think that it was innocent, and that they didn’t realize how they came across. There was too much water under the bridge to believe that for long.
They knew what the words meant, and they knew how they hurt – but they didn’t seem to know that nothing would change. It isn’t that she didn’t want to change, and be acceptable – she had tried that. Over and over, and over again. No matter what course of action she took, the outcome was the same. She knew by now that she had to stay true to herself. Indeed, that was the one thing that she could cling to in times like this. Yet at times like this she would curl up in bed and wonder how deep the pain goes before it stops? How much can you hurt before you are numb? Why was everything she said and did SO wrong, and yet the way they treated her was not?
Although, these questions had no answers – this she did know. In the morning she would get up. She would continue to fight to preserve her image as being a worthwhile human being to her husband and children in the face of opposition. And it would be a cold day in hell with pigs flying about before an invitation was made, or as in this case, an announcement of arrival was received positively. Well – with the exception of positively NOT!
Protected: Oh, the possibilities… September 5, 2009
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The Importance of Informed Choice… August 19, 2009
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As a La Leche League Leader I end up doing a lot of myth busting in my helping calls and home visits. There are the usual sources – Grandma’s Aunts, people in the grocery store, but many people don’t realize how many myths are perpetuated by Doctor’s, nurses, and people trained as ‘Lactation Specialists’ (as public health or OB nurses with training are called in Ontario…)
This is stemming from the fact that I am sitting here in front of my morning coffee watching baby shows, and trying not to wake the house with my shouting at the TV. People being told to supplement, people talking about how on day two they HAVE to formula feed because they have no milk… (Did I mention TV programs in the source of myths part…). With my newly acquired awareness (perhaps from the coffee? ) I realized an important piece.
The La Leche League holds a rotating series of four meetings that address different topics and stages of breastfeeding. The LLL suggests that women attend each of the four meetings AT LEAST once before the birth of the baby. This is often hard to explain to people who are barely showing! With meetings being a monthly event, to attend all four you are starting (ideally) at month 4 or 5! For most women that is not when they are expecting to hang out with the ‘breastfeeding club’!
What I came to realize is that if HALF of the people on these shows had done research, and attended meetings, aligning themselves with a community of breastfeeding parents – that most would not say the things they do, and maybe not choose the option to formula feed or supplement…
Breastfeeding is a fairly publicly acknowledged positive choice for Mom’s and babies. What some people don’t realize is that this pattern of myths and assumed norms is simply carried through from the prenatal stage. With each baby I learn more about the options I have as a pregnant woman, and why things are suggested and routinely done. With each baby I shave more off the list as I learn more about what it is that is being done, and why. That isn’t to say that it isn’t appropriate for anyone, but that I find that things are not appropriate for me and my family.
What I appreciate about midwifery care, is that there is nothing that is done and offered that is off the table. Everything will be explained – ESPECIALLY if you ask. Why do they do this? What do they learn from that? What are your options concerning this? What risks, or risks of risks associated with that. You will get an answer, and usually an option! As someone who had midwifery care for all of my pregnancies I often take that for granted.
Watching these shows, and wondering why people make the decisions they do I realize that it is by making myself informed on an ever increasing amount of topics associated with everything from prenatal care to schooling that I have given myself choices. Armed with information I can choose if I conform to the standard, or if we as a family are going to choose an individual path. Even if you choose mainstream things all families should have an individual path. You will know that you are on a path that is unique to you and your family when you have looked at the options (whether offered or not) and understand WHY you are doing what you are doing, not just knowing what you are doing.
Well folks. That is the fruit of my ranting today… And I thank our midwives for being a source of information and choice for the commencement of our journey into the parenting of each of our little ones…
Don’t mind me – I’m just trying… August 4, 2009
Posted by dreamom in Fears, Goals, Happiness, Home, Homeschooling, Life, Parenting, family.3 comments
It was suggested to me some time ago that when Mom’s use the word ‘trying’ that they are setting themselves up for failure. I listened intently, and added some thoughts of my own, and decided that it is true.
I volunteer for an organization which comes along side breastfeeding mom’s and offers various types of support as needed. I hear Mom’s say “I am going to try to breastfeed” all the time. If I had a nickle for every time I heard it, I would be a rich woman indeed. (Feel free to give me a nickle when you use that term with me! lol). My thought was always ‘FANTASTIC! They are going to try!’ What was pointed out to me though is that in saying that they are leaving the possibility open for failure, and thus reducing their commitment (as to not look to do more than trying) and increasing the chance of… non-success. In hindsight this makes perfect sense to me, and I can see that playing out in the people I have ‘trying’. The solution?
It was also suggested that what we as parents should do is just make a decision – such as “I am going to breastfeed” (which incidentally what I did unintentionally). If things aren’t going well, and your life is falling apart, you aren’t receiving sufficient support, and you feel trapped – you don’t just gradually make little consessions here and there – eventually slipping out of breastfeeding without noticing it – you make a new decision. Perhaps saying “I will now be pumping to supplement one feed” or some such thing as to make it manageable, yet maintain control and having a clear idea of where you stand.
I found this to be a fantastic way of looking at things and have been trying to rephrase my parenting strategies as to tell myself, as well as others that I am committed to said strategy. For instance, I am no longer ‘trying’ homeschooling. I AM homeschooling. When and if I see a need to make a new decision regarding the education of my children (for which I can choose – sadly for one child I am stuck with whatever I can manage to get from the PS system…), I will. This has made all the difference for me. I can plan things without fearing looking foolish, and I can order curriculum without ‘hoping’ not to waste money. I can tell the kids that we ARE doing such and such today without hoping I wasn’t just wasting everyone’s time on something that might not work…
Today I began to read a book in preparation for the birth of baby #4. I know that when I tell you the topic that many of you will choke on your tea, water, etc. and say “Why on earth would you try something like that!?” It is on having a Diaper Free baby. I was first introduced to Elimination Communication (EC) by a good friend (who I miss dearly) from Guelph. I was skeptical too – although I hope I was nice about it… The first time I was handed the baby and was asked if I could ‘pee her’ (at maybe 2 months), and I did the whistle cue, and that sweet baby started to pee – I was convinced! I tried to start with Jordan at that point, but he was nearing 10 months and having nothing of it… Keep in mind I was ‘trying’. I did start attending the EC meetings and met other Mom’s (besides my friend) who were, or had done this style of infant hygiene with success. I knew that this was indeed something I wanted to do – if only Jordan was willing…
Now with baby #4 getting closer, I started reading the book to refresh my memory of what I was hoping to embark on, and build up my knowledge bank so I would be ready. Tonight as I headed for bed I set down the book, and with renewed vigor thought “I will have to try that.” At that moment it hit me. I was only planning to try. I was in other ways getting the diapers organized, thinking about where to put them so they would be handy. I was pondering getting disposables for the icky umbilical cord days. I was only trying. I was excited to try, but even for something as non-life threatening as diapering decisions I was getting my emergency plan in place and planning my escape route. I would like to say that going diaper free is more daunting than breastfeeding, thus relieving myself of the commitment to the decision, but that is just not the case. I was lucky to have access to the support I needed and the stubborn drive to get through the bumps, and the fact that I gave myself no other option for infant feeding. Baby was getting my milk. Period. I was not going to pump for the nursing years because that is way too hard. Period. Somehow the baby and myself were going to figure out the dance of milk transfer from me to baby. Period. There was no word ‘try’. EVER.
If I am going to plan to succeed with this I am going to have to erase the word ‘try’, and insert the word ‘do’. Period. If I was having this baby in Guelph I would know that I would have the support of my dear ECing friend, and the group of women who met to support each other in this diaper choice that was so against the norm. Here in good ol’ Manitoba I don’t have that. My friend Mhairi is supportive – although having not done it herself… yet That is all I know. Heck I have been a bit of a black sheep here for having cloth diapers. (When mom’s see the diapers or covers they beam and say “OH! You have cloth diapers!” Like they have just found water in the desert…) It is going to be hard to not try. It is going to be harder still to just do it. I can’t wait to start explaining my taking my infant into the bathroom at… anywhere! I DO know that it is achievable, and I do think that it is a wise choice (in the end) for Mom, baby, and the environment – but this is going to take an AWFUL lot of doing!
Down to Business July 28, 2009
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Before the end of school Kyle’s teacher from this past year, and this coming year sat down and went over where he was at. Turns out in the transition from Ontario to Manitoba he missed out on some cursive writing, and numeracy. Since he left school a bit early to visit his Dad, and came back half way through July I decided that we would start in earnest in August. I am a bit early, but it seemed like the time was right. So today is our big day. He is working on Addition – with a constant prod to keep motivated. Also on the plan today is Music (he is also supposed to practice the recorder this summer), and doing a journal entry for today. I ordered his cursive book a week ago, and am hoping that it will be in anytime. It is the Handwriting Without Tears curriculum, and is a fantastic way to teach printing and writing…
Libby is only four so the pressure is never on to push the ’schooling’, but she is lamenting about how she has all these books that she can’t read, and will explain to Jordan (sorrowfully) that she would like to read to him, but can’t. She is really anxious to get going, so away we go. The plan for her today is doing some printing (Kumon, until the HWT book for her comes), a Kumon Cutting book – to work on fine motor, and a bit of phonics. She too will do a journal entry (as they all will every day) – with the hope being that the writing will increase to eventually match the picture.
Because no one likes to be left out Jordan has some Kumon books on folding, and cutting to do, as well as making a picture for his ‘journal’. With him it is less about learning the basics, and more about learning the routine.
In the coming days I hope to find our Children’s Bible – we typically would read a story from it, and have the kids retell it, or do a picture about the story. It has been missing since the move, and gradually I hope to re-establish the routine that we had started last summer in Guelph.
That along with a trip to the park should make for a pretty full day. The only thing that will derail it now is that it is 10 am and Kyle is already showing signs of needing a nap…
Once I was Enlightened, and now I am selling out. July 23, 2009
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Before moving to Guelph in 2007, I hated it. We had lived there for a short time before, and my sister lived there for several years during University. I hated the garbage system (I still don’t like it, but it is more of contradiction thing rather than a total hate of forced composting and recycling). Guelph has a certain reputation for being hippy (not hip – hippy!), and being full of the granola types. Those of you from SW Ontario will be nodding your heads saying “that’s true”, those from Guelph might be defensive, and those elsewhere will have NO CLUE what I am talking about…
Needless to say after 2+ years of residing in Guelph, and getting involved with groups and such from Guelph – I was starting to be ‘enlightened’. I started to live harmoniously with the garbage system, ordered my Garden Fresh boxes, started biking as much as possible instead of driving, tried to maximize the local food (and don’t tell my pesticide researching hubby – but squeaked in the occasional organic food). We stopped using disposable diapers, and switched to organic cloth. I had started to live a life where there was more reliance on natural things, and a purposeful move away from the unnatural. I was valuing community more, and trying to get involved and shed the typical ‘city’ attitude of existing in a bubble. All this might sound drastic, but I can assure you that my efforts – in comparison to many around me – were barely evident. Again, some of my Guelph friends might read this, and not realize that I was attempting natural/environmental awareness type of living at all!
You know what it feels like when you go from bright sunlight, into pitch darkness. Your eyes tend to do this thing where the are opening more and more, searching for light. Moving to Manitoba has been a bit like that… For me anyway…
I recently got an email from the farmer I used to buy our organic free range chicken, and our organic pastured pork from. They were sending out a newsletter to their mailing list letting everyone know when the next butchering date was. How I miss that pork! You have not tasted bacon until you have had Nick and Vera’s bacon! I have been unable to source a farm to buy fresh meat from here, and we are again eating the cardboard pork chops that are available at the local Co-op grocery store, and the local Great Canadian Superstore (Loblaws). It isn’t the same, and I miss it. I miss the taste, I miss knowing the people who raised my food. I miss knowing that I was doing something I could do for the environment and feeding my family the highest quality food available.
Every time I buy vegetables I mourn the Garden Fresh box where we had local (when possible) fruits and veggies delivered either to my place or that of my local GF Outlet friend, Birdy. I didn’t pick what was in it, but that forced me to try new things, and learn that even I liked some things that I didn’t think I would. The box came with a list of the contents, and some recommended recipes, along with storage and usage information so you got the most out of your box. Now we are buying the same things over and over, and our diet is becoming as flat and uninspired as it was pre-Guelph. The veggies we get are so tasteless compared to what we had. Just crunchy water… I don’t even know where to find locally grown vegetables here. I know that there is a farmers market for about 2 hours a week, and I have yet been able to catch it in those two hours… I know that Ontario is known for its vast range of agriculture, and here – I don’t know what I can expect to find in local produce.
When we were moving we got rid of our bike trailer as it was doubtful it would reattach to my bike after getting it off. That has left me with no way of riding my bike. I also have no intention of going cheap on our next trailer as that was the fate of the first. As a result I am waiting until I have saved up for my Wike before replacing it. I have seen and used other trailers in action, and am confident that it will give me the tough wearing, longevity, and quality that I am looking for. If we were in Guelph I could be proud of the fact that it was a local product as well – but at least it is Canadian…
And now, the diapers. Due to an unfortunate incident that resulted in a hot water heater replacement in Guelph – they had to install an anti-scald device that made sure that water never left the heater above 120 degrees (to comply with updated building codes). That was not hot enough to properly wash cloth diapers, and that was the beginning of our persistent diaper rash saga. We had hoped that when we moved here, that proper hot water would solve the problem. It hasn’t. Neither has getting new diapers. We are at our wits end. As a result I did the ultimate sell-out. We caved and bought disposable diapers. I am hoping that we can kick the rash, wash the living daylights out of the diapers (known in the CD world as stripping), and return to them once the rash is healed properly. The other thing I was educated on before leaving Guelph that I would love to use is Elimination Communication – that would limit and eventually negate my need for diapers. I have not been able to get Jordan to do this at all (I was starting very late), and thus the ultimate sell out to anti-environmentalism.
This has all been very hard on me. I was enjoying getting into a more natural lifestyle in Guelph, and now I am one by one having to give all of that up. This is on top of trying to make friends, trying to fit in, and trying to get organized. At this point I am not feeling very successful at any of those goals – and feeling a total loss of control over the lifestyle I was attempting to piece by piece adopt in Guelph…
