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Preparing and Field and Waiting for the Rain August 2, 2008

Posted by dreamom in Faith, family, Happiness, Life, Parenting.
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With the demise of the job in Manitoba, I have really been wondering why.  Why did they contact us?  Why didn’t it work out?  Why didn’t God respond to the faith we had that he would provide?  When I bring these concerns to my friends, the general comment is ‘Are we ready?’.  Now my friends don’t really know that we aren’t ready, but suggest it as a possibility.  I have felt ready.  I have mentally been preparing for a move, we had our notice in ‘just in case’, and we had started to mention to the kids about moving.  It has been brought to my attention that we might be more prepared to move, than for the lifestyle that would follow moving.  At first I rejected this idea.  Who wouldn’t be prepared to have an employed member of the household?

The fact of the matter is that I have relied heavily on my husband for a lot of the day to day stuff, which has decreased my belief in myself, and decreased the belief that my husband has in me to run the house.  Since the Masters is at a difficult stage, than he also naturally looks for areas to procrastinate, and by his believing that I can’t do things at home without him, I offer that excuse freely.

Where do we go from here?  I am making a concerted effort to regain the confidence in myself, and prove to my husband that I can do my share, and give him the time and space to do his work.  It is going to be a bit of a daily battle – upon reflection this is a pattern that we have had since very early in our marriage, when I was pregnant with my daughter.  With daily encouragement, and help from God, I know that this is a pattern that I can change.

My one fear is that this realization has come too late for this job in Chatham.  Only the coming days will tell.

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