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Days Like This February 10, 2014

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It is days like today that are just plain hard to get through.  Between it being difficult to sleep with a little keeping me up last night, an early morning that I slept late on, kids were antsy from too much time in the house (-15C makes outdoor fun not… fun), and just running late on everything today, finding out that I missed an appointment with a friend this week, and finally cancelling a Dr’s appointment for this afternoon when it was obvious that it was more stress than it was worth.  Oh sigh!

It’s on days like this that I really wonder how to stop the spiral.  How do you press reset and get back on track?  Seriously – if anyone reads this PLEASE post your ideas!  Today I resorted to chocolate covered almonds (and now the diet is out the window for today!), and going to bed with the hope that tomorrow is a new day (hopefully preceded by more sleep), and to try again.  

No. Really. I HAVE ADHD… January 30, 2014

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I was at an appointment today and found myself in a conversation that left me feeling like banging my head against a brick wall.  It started as a conversation about caffeine, and its use as a performance enhancing drug.  I commented that I believed that I rely on it to self medicate as I have attention deficit.  In response someone in the room asked me how many kids I have.  “5”.  They inquired how many were under 10 “4”.  To which they said “I think THAT might be why you need caffeine.”  And a discussion ensued on how tiring children are, and how he feels like he has ADHD somedays.  

Whether it was implied on purpose or not, I was left with a sense that my claim of ADHD was overstated, and that all my trouble staying on top of things could be explained simply by how many children I have.  I watch people with similar sized families, and I WISH this was true.  I have to say that I have gone through various stages in my life of accepting my ADHD as a part of me and how I operate, and writing off my symptoms as other things.  The fact is that I have always had it, and the nature of it is that I always will, and that although I can control a number of things in my environment to make it less problematic, that I need to function in the world where it is not the norm.  Someone who simplifies my thought processes or behaviour down to the number of children I have clearly has no clue.  

I showed my husband this video I saw on Facebook the other day…

My husband and I laughed, because many of these things are very realistic.  The part at the end when the friend suggests that she might have it – that is so common and true that it is almost not funny.  It is like me stubbing my toe and saying I am just like a guy with no leg.  Being busy is not having ADHD, nor is being lazy, or hyper.  ADHD does not just pop up here and there to make my day more interesting.  It is there all the time.  It is why days will go by where I won’t eat until dinner because I get distracted and forget, despite feeling physically ill.  It is sitting trying to figure out what to do for supper and not being able to THINK at all through the chitter chatter – even if in the next room.  It is standing in a room, trying to force yourself from curling up in a ball because it is a mess, and you can’t think of how to start to clean it.  It is impulsively agreeing to projects that are too big, and spending hours neglecting your life, up until 5am working to get it done so you don’t disappoint someone, or worse – fail.  It is NEEDING appointment reminders because I rarely am in tune with what day it is, and WILL miss it.  It is looking at a form and not being able to focus on the fields I need to fill out, or figuring out which one to do first.  It is spending your time being constantly pulled from one thing to the next, like you are being pushed down a river with a heavy current, and not finishing anything. 

The list can go on and on.  Although my husband and I can tell you that those things are very true, I am not keen to.  I don’t want people to know that I am that close to failing on any given project.  I don’t want to hear about how you think ADHD is made up to handle troubled kids in school.  How you didn’t think adults had it.  About how you thought you had it when you had trouble studying for your Chem320 exam.  Lastly, the last thing I want to hear is that the only reason I have trouble keeping up in life is NOT the Dr diagnosed ADHD that I have had my whole life, but rather that I have too many kids.  If that was my problem, I sure wish someone could have told me in university.  Maybe I would have finished ONE of my three degrees that I started…

Fueling the Dream July 3, 2008

Posted by dreamom in Faith, family, Happiness, Homeschooling, Life, Parenting.
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This last little while has been a weird time for me.  I switched medication levels and have found something that is really working for me.  At the same time though I am finding that I am buckling under the stress and pressure of our situation.   This month we are completely relying on a mixture of our parents and anyone else we can scare up to pay our bills.  We are waiting to hear about the outcome of a couple of jobs and this is really the end of the line for us.  If one of these jobs don’t work – Kevin is going to have to leave his Masters undone and get whatever job he can find.  That is a daunting fact after 5.5 years put into it.

We pray earnestly, and it just gets delayed more and more.  I am not sure what the purpose is in this.  I trust that God does have something planned, but for the life of me I don’t know what, or if we are even headed in the right direction.  We just continue to pray and pray,and wait for God to give us an answer.

I think that is one of the most difficult aspects of all of this as well.  I want to participate in so many things this summer, and experience so many things with the kids, but we can’t.  Even with the help we have we are falling short.

On the other hand, now that school is over for the summer I have been homeschooling Kyle.  I am so proud of him!  He has been working 4-5 hours a day on school.  I have a math program that he is eagerly devouring.  We have a printing program, phonics program, and a general language program, and even though it is Kyle’s most difficult subject he is working hard on it without complaints.  For Science and Social Studies we are going very Charlotte Mason.  I am loving it.  The biggest issue with it right now is that Jordan is terribly cranky, and difficult to handle, and we haven’t figured out what to do with him yet.  That will come with time, and I suspect with the teeth that are trying to break through!

In regards to the title, the only thing fueling the dream right now is prayer.  Prayer, prayer, and more prayer.  Feel free to add us to your list  🙂